if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i now understand why vodka
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
