I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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