i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
