finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
