Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize