Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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