I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
