I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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