Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
