apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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