So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
