My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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