I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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