the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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