Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize