If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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