every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
