and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
