i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
