Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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