Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
