do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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