My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
