none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
