I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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