lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
