The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
