cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
