im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize