I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
