i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
