literally had 100 drinks last night.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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