I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize