she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
