help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
