Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You need a sexual gate keeper
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
