i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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