So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize