I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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