i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
