Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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