When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
