you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you never un-have a 4some
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
