you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
