and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
