I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
