And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
