Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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