took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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