you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
