cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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