if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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