I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
