Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
