thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
