How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
