we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I enjoy the company of your penis
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
