somebody snuck up and got me drunk
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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