And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
