If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize