i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
