I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
