Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize