Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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