Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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