I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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