took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
