I wish I only lived at night.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
