i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
