Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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