I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
