Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I need moral support for this bender
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
