I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Randomize
