Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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