dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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