I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
