Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
