Fine. I'll sleep in my office
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
