do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
