and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
