you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize