M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
