i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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